The Crush of a Crush
Alex Hinders, 2013.
Colored pencil and pen.
Both of the two drawings above are the same image flipped about. It’s one of those drawings where looking at it in different ways can alter its meaning. This drawing attempts to illustrate the lows and the highs of a crush — if you’re remember correctly, I have a funny habit of falling into those. I just can’t seem to help it; this seems to be a part of nature. I guess it’s a side effect of having a good deal of empathy.
Crushes can certainly be fun, which is emphasized by the warm colored lady surrounded by circles — happy little sunbursts. The feeling gets compared to ‘butterflies in the stomach’, which is too abstract of a saying for me to understand. (I also don’t like to equate a crush with an insect infestation.) If I were to describe the feeling in a more concrete way, I’d say it was specifically a sort of energy that surges through your veins and across your body. It’s like an emotional caffeine high — your brain starts running at a faster pace, your pulse quickens, and you become giggly and stupid. Or at least I do.
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But then there’s the matter of the other lady in the drawing — a figure wrapped in cool colors and arrowheads all pushing towards the same point. There’s an old saying that, “The reason why they call it a crush is that’s how it feels if they don’t feel the same way.” I think, though, that the actual ‘crush’ of the crush comes more from the weight of carrying the crush itself. A crush is in itself a burden, because it forces you to make a choice whether or not to act upon the feelings. How you respond to this choice can lead to all sorts of outcomes, including a romantic relationship, sexual intercourse, happiness, the destruction of a friendship, sorrow, and restraining orders.
So that saying I quoted defines a crush by one of it’s potential outcomes. But I don’t think that dreaded possible moment — the moment when you find out someone doesn’t feel the same way as you — is the ‘crush’, I think it’s the end of the crush. It’s the moment when all of the possibilities are whittled away until you’re left with the reality of the situation. After that, it’s not so much a matter of dealing with a crush or love as it is as matter of either accepting or denying the situation you’re now in.
Really, it’s a shame that we can’t find a more neutral word for ‘crush’. It would be like using the word ‘wreck’ in place of ‘plane ride’ or ‘plane trip’. Sure, your airplane could crash into the sea and everybody could die, but it seems rather cynical to refer to the entire action by it’s worst possible outcome. (“It’s only a three hour plane wreck to Vegas from here.”)
But at this point I think I’ve rambled enough about life and love. Safe travels, everyone!