The Mermaid, The Fish, and the Sailor
Alex Hinders. 2007.
Colored pencils and pen.
Unrequited love has got to be one of the most awful things in the world to experience. It’s not like anybody looks at a rational list of pros and cons and decides, “Yes, I think I will fall in love with this person.” It just sort of happens; love ensnares you. But sometimes love only snares one of two people. Instead of love becoming a sort of shared madness, a world which two-people co-inhabit, it becomes a glass cage in which one person can only look outwards at the person who cannot share this love.
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I met her my junior year in high school, in 2004; I had fallen in love with her before the year turned into 2005. I wasn’t freed of that unrequited love until 2009 although I didn’t even realize my freedom until the year 2010. It didn’t stop me from exploring other options and attempting to court other girls in the years between — but it also didn’t stop my mind from slowly wandering back to her after each new crush faded. Part of the cosmic injustice of unrequited love is that it’s nobody’s fault. It’s not her fault she had no feelings for me; she was a straight girl. It’s not my fault I had feelings for her. Sometimes I’ve wondered if it was my fault that the love didn’t leave me, but really, I would have been ecstatic if it would have left me. No rational person thinks to themselves, “Yes, I think it is in my best interests to remain hopelessly in love with someone I can never have.”
So in the end, the whole thing was just what it was; another random event in a universe ruled by chaos. Galaxies are born and die for no real reason and sometimes a person falls in love for that same random reason. Isn’t it wonderful?
Also regarding the drawing: I was the sailor, she was the mermaid, and the red fish was the boy she was in love with. I wish I had a higher quality scan of this drawing. I’ll have to hunt down the original someday, if it still exists.